Being Broke

I am writing this from a prompt in "Readers Write” in The Sun Magazine for submission. (https://www.thesunmagazine.org/submit#readers-write)  The guidelines are to address subjects you are the authority in. “The writing style isn't important as thoughtfulness and sincerity...” I like that last part. The December 1 topic is “Being Broke”.

Being Broke

I just sit here. I sit at my computer with nothing but my head in my hands and tears in my eyes. Thursday night, after my wife and my children, have gone to bed, all I can do is sit here. I don’t know how to tell them. I don’t know how to tell anyone. Years of trying to maintain it all have lead me to this Thursday night, and all I can do is sit here… broke.

A few hours ago, I had just parked my BMW in the garage of our five-bedroom, three and a half bath, half-million-dollar home, after putting in a full day’s work at my six-figure job. I dust off the day and settle in like any other night. This routine has lasted nearly twenty years. In that time I have struggled to be a husband, a father, and a friend. I barely manage to take care of myself. Here I sit, another Thursday night, at my regretful five drink minimum with half a bottle left and I could continue with a few more in the next few hours, but that voice in my head grows louder and louder. I hear an unfamiliar and honest inner voice say, “You’re broke.” And at this moment, I know I am.