Time will tell you two - Part three

This is a three-part series!
Begin with part one here.

Back to school
Picking up and dropping off

Part three

It’s early September, and my daughter is at school. My wife drove my daughter down a week ago to get settled and set up her room. She has used her money from working at the agency to set up her dorm room as planned, my wife sent me some pictures of her room, and it does look nice. I wanted to go with my wife and help set my daughter up, but I tend to get excluded from these sorts of things. In the past, I haven’t always been the best in these situations. The most glaring reason that I have been “uninvited” is that her boyfriend is going along to help carry stuff. Voicing my dislike for their relationship certainly hasn’t done me any favors when it comes to sharing time with my daughter. If anything, it has had the reverse effect of what I desired. It is something I am beginning to relax on and I make note of it for the future. I am still learning. Aren’t we all?

My daughter will be living on campus for at least the first year. It’s something my wife and I both want all of our children to experience. They all may not be able to do this because of our finances, but for now, my daughter is living on campus, and so far, she seems to be enjoying it. We have kept her car at home so I could use it for my commute as she won’t be needing it. So, it’s back to work today! I have decided to drive her car. It gets better gas mileage and it saves us some money that we can put towards her college. Driving her car, I can’t help but think of her, and I hope she is having a good time. I get an update here and there from her mother, but she hasn’t really kept me up-to-date with her happenings. That’s okay though, it’s only been a few weeks, we spent a whole summer getting reacquainted, and I am glad that we had that time, but I am also a little relieved that the summer is over and that we made it through without a severe “daddy-daughter” incident.

Maybe it’s been long enough  

You know that rule in dating where you are not supposed to call someone back for a certain amount of time? That rule where it’s “okay” to call a person after two days, but no sooner than at least one day, etc.? But, if you wait too long it seems like you aren’t interested or some such nonsense? I wish there was a rule for calling your seventeen year old daughter after she heads off to college. Should I wait a week? A month? How long until I can call my daughter and ask “How’s it going?” You would think that doing this would be a simple thing, but it doesn’t seem to be for me. I should just pick up the phone and call! But, our relationship isn’t like most fathers and daughters. That’s just something I simply have to acknowledge at this point and take the time to address moving forward. As they say, “Time takes time.” So, as I drive her car with the 2017 high school senior parking sticker, the sun-cracked peeling Waterpolo sticker, and the Polaroid snapshot of her girlfriends on the dashboard, I decide to finally give her a call. 

I am just about to go over the hill where just last month we were road-raging our way home, I decide to pick up the phone and call her just to check-in. I am not really good at this stuff. I never feel like I am saying the right things or asking the right questions. It’s been seventeen years, and I still feel as though I have no clue how to talk to my teenage daughter. I ask “How are you doing?” And she responds with “I am good. Getting settled in and I am really enjoying it.” I am so happy to hear that and my tone changes as I start to sound a bit more relaxed as I ask; “What are you doing right now?” And then, I hear a voice coming over some loudspeaker like she is on a plane. “Are you on a plane?” I ask, and try to keep my tone as relaxed as possible. I was doing so good and I don’t want to mess it up now! She responds; “No. I am going to L.A. on the train.” If I was drinking water I would have done a spit-take, but I am not drinking water and I gasp audibly. My daughter exhales with that “duh/gah” sound that only means one thing as I imagine her inner-voice saying; “I am going to be eighteen in a month and I am an adult now, you can’t tell me what to do!” I try to respond calmly and rationally and say something like; “It’s Thursday, don’t you have class tomorrow?” And she says; “We haven’t started classes yet.” Without skipping a beat I ask if she started working at the job she got on campus and she says; “Nope! I haven’t started working at the job, and I was just going to L.A. to house sit with my boyfriend.” I realize I can’t protect her where she is going, but I can dispense a little wisdom. I tell her, “Sit in the train car where the attendants hang out, they won’t really protect you, but it will deter most people. And when you catch the bus, make sure you sit up front by the driver. Again, they will not really help you either, but at least they will call the police if anything terrible happens.” 

We talk a little bit more about when she is going to return back to campus and what she needs to get for her dorm room, but more than anything, we had a normal conversation with no sarcasm or antagonism, and it was something I have been trying to do for a few years now. I am glad I picked up the phone when I did.

“I never saw it when I was in it. Life is a lot like that with most things. You never know what you have until it’s gone, you never know the impact you will have at the time, or that you’re making a mistake until it is made. I’ve made a few, and I’m embarrassed to say it, but I know I have to.”

THE MARKET DROPS

I just quit my job to start my own company, and it is slow going. I have plenty of work, but no office to work from, yet. I frequently attend meetings and take “three-martini lunches” at restaurants in the next county, and I am spending a lot of time trying to build clients and a portfolio to be proud of. My daughter is attending elementary school, and I work at home frequently. I pick her up when my mother-in-law isn’t scheduled to, and it works out well most of the time. I pick her up out front on the grassy hill where all the younger kids stand to wait for their parents, and I try to settle into the domestic routine.  

After acquiring a few more clients, signing a partnership agreement along with a two-year lease, my stepson and I were soon assembling desks in our new office. For the first time in my life, I felt like “I had arrived.” And it felt so good at that moment. Nothing can compare to it, and I love every moment of building a new business. On the way home, I tell my son, “This is everything I have worked for, and it is a dream come true.” As I say this, I feel that in my heart, I don’t deserve it for a second and that it’s going to end soon. Two weeks after signing the partnership agreement, the stock market crashes. We have a few large clients, and that will see us through the rougher times, but it’s not going to be easy getting our company established. I am going to try and not let it affect me. I put my head and heart into the work with that hopes that the results will pull us through. 

We are growing, and as we acquire more work, I become more and more relaxed and begin enjoying my “lunches” more and more. In a short time, I am drinking at noon and don’t stop until it’s time to go home. Recently, I have just opted to not going back to the office and go home and finish drinking when I get home. I have been passing out and coming to for a while now, and though I am concerned about my drinking, I don’t think it warrants much concern. I keep up with the work. I bring home a paycheck and nobody, not a single person is asking me, “why are you drinking? It’s noon!”  

AND THE PHONE DROPS

It’s the afternoon, and we had an early meeting with a client where the drinks flowed, and it ended sooner than we expected. We hadn’t even had lunch, so my business partner suggests that we go to another restaurant and eat, I haven’t had my fill yet, and I agree; let’s go!. As most of the employees are with us, it’s Friday. We don’t have a lot of work on the table, we decide to turn the afternoon into an evening of drinking and laughter. We finish lunch and a few more drinks and head over to another restaurant/bar and have a few more drinks there. I thought, “I had arrived’ before, but this feeling of freedom, drinking all afternoon, and having the company flip the bill for it all, was absolutely sublime. I looked forward to many afternoons spent doing this for years to come! 

Walking across the promenade of a shopping center, we headed to another bar, my phone rings. I answer and it’s my daughter’s principal; “Mr. Desmond?” I respond; “Yes?”, “Your daughter is here at parent-pick-up, and she says that you are supposed to be picking her up?” I totally forgot that I was supposed to pick her up! I stammer and respond, “Oh! Uhm. Yes! Yes! I will be there as soon as I can! I was in a meeting, and it lasted later than I expected. I will be there as soon as possible!” All lies, but at least it sounded plausible. 

I am in the car at three in the afternoon, and I am three sheets to the wind as I drive my car to my daughter’s school. I arrive at the school and my daughter is not on the grassy hill, but she is now in the office waiting. I reek of tequila from Cadillac margaritas and I am terrified as I stumble up to the school walkway to pick up my daughter. I enter the office and see my daughter in the lobby chairs as I walk in. It’s one of the few times I am relieved that there is no adult in sight. I peak my head around the corner and spot an office assistant and let her know I am taking my daughter. I quickly sign my daughter out before the assistant can get close enough to smell me, and I grab my daughter and head for the car. I know I shouldn’t be doing this. I put my daughter in the backseat, and I drive home. Drunk. I swore I would never do this! And I can’t imagine what her mom would say if she ever knew that this is what I was doing. I am so ashamed. I pull into the garage and swear to myself that I will never do this again. Glad that I made it home and that nobody knows, I open the cupboard, grab a bottle of vodka, and pour another drink.